The Keeper

It all began with Mora…

To understand how she came to me is to give a little background.

I was pregnant with my first child in 2010.

Wait, back up…I had just found out in May 2010 that I was accepted to my Masters in Teaching Art degree. It was an exciting time in my young adult life. I had graduated in 2008 with a BFA in Graphic Communications and a minor in Art History. However, 2008 was NOT a good year for the economy and it was excruciatingly difficult to find a job. I worked odd and ends jobs, including a secretarial position for a big corporation in Atlanta. They were snooty and took advantage of my background in Graphic Design. They had me creating their real estate visuals for no more than they were paying for me to answer phones. Then, they fired me for not being “peppy” enough when answering the phones in attempt to not give me severance pay. I fought back and, after a heated conference call with the unemployment office and the real estate office, was relieved to find out I would earn my severance pay. The economy still fucking sucked, so I did several small jobs after.

Along with the dead-end jobs, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a Duke educated lawyer who worked at J. Crew (first red flag). Drowning in debt, all he wanted to do was move out to California to become a screenwriter (second red flag). Oh, did I mention when I met him, he was engaged? He was to be married within a few months and they lived together (third red flag). I know, I was young, stupid, and completely naive to all the repercussions of such a doomed-from-the-start situation, but the red flags continued to multiple and fly higher. There were so many, I could have built an entire hot air balloon from the material and used the hot air he exuded with all the lies to fuel a voyage around the world.

Anyway, I digress. I ended the relationship in 2009, but kept him as a side on again/off again release of pent up frustration. Nevertheless, I ended up bringing him as my date for a friend’s wedding in Brevard, NC in spring 2010. This solidified our solely physical relationship in a sort of FWB type of situation. It was terribly unhealthy and undeniably broken, but I was an adult and placed myself in the position for what came next. Now, I’m not saying I didn’t get pregnant the night we went looking for the movie “Clockwork Orange” in his garage, but it was all in the timing. After the wedding, I had gotten sick and needed antibiotics. I feel there is no need to explain what counteracts when females take antibiotics, but I was not informed at the time my birth control could potentially not protect from getting pregnant. Of course, I would not change the circumstances today, and I could go into all the details about how I felt, how my family felt, and things I had to do in order to mentally get to the point of acceptance, but that is for another day. Because, trust me, it’s EXTENSIVE!

Fast forward to my first, wonderful bundle of joy, my son, born 9 days after my birthday in January 2011. I was by no means incapable of taking care of my son, but I was also single, pursuing my Master’s degree, and working as a substitute teacher. FYI - the sperm donor (my ex) left the picture when my son was 6 months old, never to return again. He was the first, of a handful of things, I felt I did right since…eek, I was 14? Again, stories for other days, tidbits and such. Anyway, I have always wanted to be a writer and illustrator. I hand wrote stories in journals and typed children’s stories on my mother’s typewriter as a young childling. One of my stories was about Saturn, thus my fascination with space was apparent even then. I drew various characters (Care Bears, My Little Ponies, Sesame Street, etc.) and would walk to my aunt’s house and my grandparent’s house with my little briefcase hoping to sell a drawing, or two. I had the entrepreneurial spirit even then.

When I was pregnant with my son, I had a vision ofMora. She appeared to me in the foyer of my parents’ house as though she were really a projection of my mind’s eye. I loved her as myself, feeling her fantastical journey would be an extension of who I was, am, and could be. Obviously, the entire story around her journey is vastly fantastical fiction and is by no means a true account of myself. But her feelings, emotions, circumstances, and so on, are a vital part of me. I like to refer to all my characters as facets of myself that I love, hate, want to fix, accept, yearn to be, believe I could be, wonder if I am, and more! Yet, she appeared and called for me by name. I am Mora, and she is me.

Unfortunately, life happens, and it took me 14 years to finish the entire book; getting it to the point in which I felt comfortable publishing. The ups and downs throughout those years taught me more about character development, writing, descriptions, and how I want my book to be perceived. The original Ekklips scene? Too triggering. While the antagonist, I didn’t want him to be completely villainy with completely no empathy and reasons for who he is and why he does what he does. I didn’t want my book to be too sexually explicit, but I did want it to be a part of the story. In order to do that, I had to create a little more depth with Mora’s identity and who she is as a part of All. With that being said, I needed her to begin her journey as a vulnerable woman, stubborn, yet determined. I tweaked and rewrote so much of the original story, it was enlightening to me as a writer and artist. If I thought it was shit, and didn’t enhance my purpose for writing the story, it sure as hell would not make it in the final cut of the story’s progression. What started out as a 300-400 page book extended to a 900+ page book, and then back down (due to formatting) to a 653-page book.

Do I believe the 14-year gap aided in the evolution of Mora? Fuck yes. I began believing in her as a 25 year old woman, and that’s what she is in the book. She’s an adult in years, but her back story brings a whole new facet of why she commences her journey as a skeptical, naive creatural (because that is the term I use for human). Her sheltered life brings many obstacles and hardships, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Writer’s Heroine is my way of portraying my love for various, strong, female-led stories. Thus, it all began with Mora.